Shambling Towards Hiroshima

1945



Obviously we come to a closure now on the second world war. I am sure I missed 100 great sci-fi/alt history stories taking place during WWII, and I know some of my more modern stories in the future re-visit the era in flashback or time machine, but 'shambling toward Hiroshima' is certainly what I have done over the past few months.

This book is a play on the creation of Godzilla, a giant reptile monstrosity bent on the destruction of Tokyo, born from the toxic fumes of nuclear destruction. I read recently that when the original Godzilla movie first showed in Japan, audiences sat in shocked silence, and openly wept. The anology of Godzilla's wave of destruction as representative of the nuclear bomb hit very close to home with the Japanese of the 1950's.

Morrow walks a very thin line when he uses this metaphor in his story of a B-movie actor recruited by the US military to masquerade as a monster trashing Tokyo in an attempt to end the war. The hope is that the threat of a monster invasion will force the Japanese into surrender. It will also buy them some time while they perfect the real life versions of the monsters.

I'm just not sure. Is this a comedy? A wry statement on nuclear bombs at the onset of the Cold War? A tongue in cheek look at the Hollywood horror / b-movie industry of the forties? A serious statement about growing old in Reagan's eighties? A book about Godzilla? It's all these things. Unfortunately, it fails to excell at any of the above genres, but rather muck about and hop from point to point. Yes, this novella is a fun and easy read, but if a mishmash of the mentioned subplots and genres doesn't hit any sweet spots of interest for you, you may wish to pass on 'Hiroshima'.

The Last Days of Krypton

The origin of Superman has been re-written so many times that it's hard to pinpoint when he landed on earth, much less how the travel across the light years affect what earth-year Krypton was destroyed. I suppose the purist in me would say that we should leave DC history as it was before it got hit with a series of Crises changing up timelines. This version is written purposefully vague enough to apply to nearly any version. Supes made his first public appearance in 1938, so Krypton was originally destroyed prior to that. Let's say in the early 1900's. Which makes this post pretty late.

I picked up this book in the library when I had first moved to Colorado Springs and had nothing else to read. Superman isn't my favorite superhero and we'll get to Kevin J. in a second. The cover was nifty. Basically I knew it would be a quick and easy read while I waited for something better to come along.

K.J. Anderson is my most favorite least favorite writer. He has made most of his fame writing spin-off material from popular sci-fi brands. I first became aware of him when reading his Star Wars Jedi Academy series. The Star Wars novels and offical 'expanded universe' had recently been launched with the spectacular Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn, and Anderson's trilogy was a major follow-up with the landmark re-establishment of the Jedi Order after the events in Return of the Jedi.

And it sucked. Like most of Anderson's work, it's overly simple and seems to read like young adult fiction. Where Zahn took a childhood movie and breathed new life into it, Anderson seemed to relish in taking Zahn's complex and adult take on the Star Wars and dumbing it back down to a childhood level. He has done the same with every brand he's touched, and fans of Dune particularly loathe what he has done to the Atriedes family.

But I give Anderson his due: He is the ultimate fan fiction writer. Where relative unknown Alan Dean Foster made a living out of adaptations of screenplays (famously ghost writing the original Star Wars novelization), Kevin J. Anderson has trumped him by writing spin-offs of most major sci-fi sagas, finally making his way to the world of DC comics. And crapping on it, based on this novel and his other recent works.

There I go again getting negative. KJ loves his material, he really does. He is studious in his inclusion of continuity, minutia, and easter eggs for fans. And I think he writes it in a way that reflects his love; it's what we would all do. I just don't know why he continues to enjoy so much "success" for such mediocre material.

'Krypton' has some nice elements. The Kryptonian society is fleshed out in a way that neither confirms nor denies most versions written in the past. Zod is believable, if cliche'. I enjoyed the inclusion of Braniac. But overall the story is bland, unoriginal, drawn out and just didn't need to be told.

I'll read Anderson's work again, and you'll hear more from me about how I am always disappointed by his work, but you'll keep seeing the posts. Because I love the same fantasy worlds he does, and I respect the fact that he enjoys being a creator in those worlds, just as I would if people paid me for my lousy writing.

YesNo by Markus Raetz

The Shut Up Diet

I've lost 50 lbs in 6 months.  There are millions of ways to be less fat; and every diet you read is right.  There are some pretty jacked up theories out there; but there is no wrong way to take responsibility for your fat ass.  Just do something, ANYTHING.  Move yourself in the direction of fitness and don't stop 'til you get there.  Shut up and drop a few pants sizes!

Here are my 5 easy steps to achieve a less fat you.  Follow my suggestions or don't.  This advice is unsolicited, unwelcome, poorly organized and has not been evaluated by the FDA.  But I am wearing size 36 britches right now and last Xmas I was wearing a size 42. 


1) Movement: sweat every day for 3 weeks.  You don't have to "workout" for an hour.  Just do something . . . anything . . . until you sweat.  After 21 days, start alternating sweaty days with lazy butthound days.  Or exercise 4 days a week.  Or do isometric desk movements while sitting on a fitness ball at your desk all day. 


Walk further, pick up heavy things, stop watching TV.  Do more.  Sit less.  Make it a habit.  You do not have to become an athlete.  You do not need to even like exercise.  Heck, you don't even have to exercise....but get up and move.  Do more chores, pull more weeds, walk the dog, have lots of sex.  It really doesn't matter.  For the record, I walk the dog a lot more than I have sex. 

Exercising earlier in the day will help you boost your metabolism for the remainder of your day.  But there is no wrong way to break a sweat.  Morning noon or night:  bust a move.  Or don't.  I don't care if you get diabetes and have to get your feet amputated.  That just means more shoes for me!  Seriously, the last time it was measured, diabetes was directly responsible for 231,404 deaths in this country.  Diabetes was listed on the death certificate as the cause of death.    According to the 2011 National Diabetes Fact Sheet: about 26 million Americans have diabetes right now.  And, yes, circulation issues, artery disorders and nerve diseases (caused by diabetes) will lead to foot and leg amputations.  Also, if you continue to remain fat, people will like you less.  None of this is fun.  

2) pH:  7.4 is normal.  That's the Alkaline state that you're born into.  But the average American's blood pH level is 5.5.  Low numbers mean an acidic state of affairs.  The "good" bacteria that's supposed to populate your tummy is just fine with a higher pH of 7 or better.  Stop rolling your eyes at me; I swear this is the only step of The Shut Up Diet that involves any kind of science.  And this ain't rocket surgery folks.  But you have to get your gut right or your efforts of weight loss will be resisted by your own body.  Internal Revolution!

You see, the beneficial flora in your gastrointestinal tract help you deal with all the garbage you consume.  But the garbage you consume is mostly the fats and starches that create an acidic environment in your gut.  And "bad" bacteria freakin' LOVE acid!
These naughty acidhead bacterium will overtake and play the bully towards your nerdy high-pH bacteria population. If you want to digest like a pro: you got to feed your gut the alkaline forming foods that it needs to break down all the junk.  Lay off the coffee, alcohol, bread, sweets and peanuts for a minute . . . or six weeks.  Give your gizzard a chance to raise it's pH.  Eat broccoli and cabbage and apples.  Learn to love apples.  Pick up a bottle of Bragg's organic apple cider vinegar (or the Trader Joe's equivalent).  Dose yourself with the vinegar at every meal.  Eat lots of yogurt.  Take a probiotic supplement.   Google "alkaline diet" and find a way to choke out the"bad" bacteria by feeding the beneficial bacteria.  Eat figs, olives, edamame, dried apricots and spinach.
If you gotta have nutbutter . . .try almond butter.  Avoid egg yolks; but load up on whey protein powder.  

Foods are classified as acid-forming or alkalizing depending on the effect that they have on the body.  We think of lemon juice as acidic; but the minerals it leaves behind after digestion helps remove hydrogen ions, decreasing the acidity in our system.  It's all about the ions.  pH is really just a measurement of the hydrogen ion concentration.  Click HERE for a list of alkalizing foods.




3) Okay, enough already: Stop eating so goshdang much.  Just eat when you're hungry.  Or eat 6 precisely portioned mini-meals at scheduled intervals.  Or eat a big breakfast and lunch and just have a little nibble at dinner.  Or starve yourself all day, only drinking veggie juice until dinner time, and then feast like a freakin' king!

Or do whatever seems reasonable to you; but don't starve yourself!  Your body will hold onto your fat reserves for dear life if you start depriving it of the fuel it needs to survive.  Dieting is the art of tricking yourself into going against the grain of your built-in survival instincts.  You can count calories if you want.  If you have a tendency to over do it; then maybe you should start tracking the crap you're loading into your system.  I track my food for the purposes of replicating positive results.  If I am paying attention to what I eat, and I end up feeling great, after a day of controlled consumption . . . then I can repeat those same actions the next day. 

I use http://www.myfitnesspal.com/   to track my nutrients.  The myfitnesspal iPhone app makes this task easy and entertaining for me.  There are lots of different programs and systems out there to help you keep a food diary.  If keeping score on your intake helps: then do it.  Really, I just like to geek out on the micronutrient calculations of my daily chow.  But maybe you don't care how much potassium that bok choy you just wolfed down has.


Remember that protein builds muscle.  Muscle is sexier than fat.  Be sexy.  Make sure there is lots of lean protein sources on your shopping list.  Chicken can get really boring; but good organic, hormone free, chicken is really the bestest stuff around.  And think about trying harder-to-break-down carb sources.  If you're gonna eat cereal, ditch the kiddie loops and poofs and switch to the high test stuff.  Whole grain bread too.  And steel cut oatmeal.  The harder your food is to chew, the better.  No pain, no wane. 

There are so many competing expert recommendations for how many calories the average adult should consume in a day.  But there is no such thing as an average adult.  I really don't know how many calories I can effectively metabolize in a day.  And I sure as hell don't know how many donuts you can eat and still fit into your skinny jeans.  The number is likely somewhere between 1200 and 2200 for most people.  But I don't care.  This ain't that kind of diet.  If you are losing weight . . .then you're doing it right.  If you are not losing weight you are eating too much or too little.  Figure it out for yourself and stop whining.  

4) Fiber, fiber, fiber, fiber.  However you want to get more fiber into your diet is fine.  Do it.  Do it now.  Eat 20 - 35 grams of plant fiber daily.  Metamucil or Benefiber is fine.  Eat fruits and veggies or just gnaw off the frayed hem of your bluejeans; but eat more fiber!  You've got about 20 feet of small intestines that you have to push your lunch through before you can drop the kids off at the pool.  Help yourself out by eating more fiber.   

A high fiber diet will help you lower your cholesterol levels, which makes your heart happy.  It will stabilize your blood sugar levels, warding off Type 2 Diabetes.  High fiber diets have been specifically linked to reduced risks of  both colon and breast cancer.  So be nice to your boobs and eat a handful of raspberries today.

5) Mas agua por favor.  Drink at least 64 ounce of water daily.  No excuses.  All that fiber your eating now pulls water out of your gullet; you'll need to replace it.  And, hopefully, your new found love of movement is making you sweat.  You'll need to replace that water too.  Water regulates your body temperature and helps prevent kidney stones and lubricates your joints.  And who doesn't love a good lubricated joint?  Even mild dehydration, a loss of say, 1% of your body weight, will completely zap the energy out of your day.  If you are feeling sick, tired, irritable or have a headache: then you probably need a drink of water.   

When your body is burning fat, because you've deprived it of sugar, your breath will smell like dog poop.  This is an unfortunate but natural side effect of your body's efforts to utilize your stores of fatty acids to replace the glycogen that it normally uses to power up.  The more water you drink, the more you'll flush out waste products through urination . . . instead of through respiration.  In other words; if you drink a lot of water, then the foul smelling byproduct of your fat burning efforts will exit your body via your pee instead of your breath.





Okay, that's it folks.  5 easy to follow steps.  I've haven't cut it short or simplified the process.  It's just not a very complicated system.  Move yourself, lay off the acid, stop pigging out, keep yourself regular and hydrate.  Do it and lose fat.  Or don't do it.  I don't really care. 

China White And Egg Whites

Aging rock icons get knighted in England.  Sir Mick and Sir Paul and so forth and so on...chip chip, cheerio!  These seasoned frontmen have proudly joined Pierce Brosnan and Jane Seymour as celebrities that the Queen thinks are the bee's knees.  I'm pretty sure they're allowed to borrow Prince Charles' sweaters now.

But ripened rockers from New York just all end up on the business end of a shot of wheat grass juice with a Metamucil chaser.  From CBGB to Cialis.  From China White all night long to egg white omelets at the break of dawn.  The wild side has been walked on....and now features custom molded shoe orthotics.

"Lou Reed brings style and clarity to your contacts".  That's the euphemistic tagline that Reed uses to pitch his own iPhone app that magnifies the font on your goddamn handset so that you don't have to pull out your reading glasses and look like the aging diva that you never imagined you'd ever evolve into.  Seriously, check out http://www.loureed.com/louzoom/ .  It's a $2 app and all proceeds go towards helping ol' Lou maintain his stable of grass fed organic leather pants.

 David Johansen and the new/old New York Dolls are out touring this summer.  They're the opening act for Motley Crue and Posion.  The New York Dolls became punk rock legends when they literally stole rock-n-roll back from the Osmonds in 1971.  And Brett Michaels is stealing it all back.  Rose, meet thorn.

Speaking of Roses.  Axl is suing Activision for its blatant use of Slash imagery in Guitar Hero III's version of Welcome To The Jungle.  Never mind that Slash's band, Velvet Revolver, is on Activision's payroll for the game.  But Axl thinks that the "Slash" character is part-n-parcel to his G-n-R concept and wants Activision to feel his serpentine.  Of course, Rose gave permission for the song to be used; but is now claiming that the company "fraudulently induced" him into allowing the company to use the song.  You can have anything you want; but you better not take it from me.  What's hilarious is: Activision couldn't sell the damn game anyway.  On July 1, they shelved the brand, due to slumping sales.  CEO, Bobby Kotick pointed to their failure to deliver "an innovative experience" to the market.  Which, coincidentally, also sums up Chinese Democracy.

Ready To Crash And Burn, I'll Never Learn...

Social conundrum: if you take a cheap bottle of wine to a friend's house for a party. And it doesn't get opened; because it's a cheap bottle of wine. Do you take it back home and risk your friends thinking that you're an ungracious, cretinous, alcoholic guest? Or do you leave it behind, where it will likely sit unopened for years? Other guests of your friends will raise their eyebrows at the dusty bottle of $6 merlot and ask, "Who left the Night Train here?". Is it better to stick to beer as a hostess gift? Flowers? A half finished sudoku book?

Steam Fired Stout

     Henry Gorgas is a Renaissance man.  Henry is an engineer, inventor, artist, tinkerer and now a zymurgist.  After a career with Lockheed Martin, building B-1 Bombers, Henry went recreational in 1988 and started tinkering with experimental aircraft in his own workshop in Western Oregon.  He sells fully assembled "RV aircraft" and Build-it-yourself airplane kits.  Last Summer, Henry registered a patent for "Electrically Powered Bumper Cars Comprising Multiple Drive Wheels And Integral Hub Motors".  Henry never manages to settle down.  
     In 2008, Henry established Fire Mountain Brewery in his workshop space in Carlton, Oregon.  He moved from B-1 Bombers to 22oz Bottles of his Oregon Pale Ale and Steam Fired Stout.  I was able to procure one of Henry's first bottlings of Steam Fired Stout a year after it had hit the market.  The bottle, already dusty from a few months on the shelf at John's Marketplace in Multnomah Village, went home with me and straight into my beer cellar.
     A couple of years in storage ticked by.  I unearthed this treasure from my cellar this morning and popped the cap at noon.  It's a holiday weekend; but drinking before noon is still bad form.  Unless your camping, fishing or still drunk from last night.
     The label proclaims this beer to be "brewed old school", and judging from the foaming action when this black beauty got exposed to air . . .I'd say that this stout got a pinch of sugar in the bottle, before the cap was affixed,  for some secondary fermentation.  I lost a third of the contents as it spewed forth it's thick starchy head from the top of the 22oz bottle.  The brew is dark as night; but has a light mouthfeel.  The head, as I mentioned was meringue stiff, khaki in color and sweet.  This stout is dry and silky as it slips past the front of your mouth and then pounces tangily on the back of your tongue.  Notes of coffee and licorice seesaw with a big oaky bouquet.  An exceptionally delicious beer.
     This beer is 7.6% as bottled; but easily pushes 10% after a few years.  Probably a good thing 6 or 7 ounces spilled out onto the table as I opened it; because the rest of it fit nicely into a pint glass.   And this pint is about all I can handle in the noon hour.
     Happy Independence Day!